Hartley vs. The Humans: Week 14 — Rivalry Week!

Welcome to the penultimate week of the college football season! With the Humans ahead by one after a Week 12 tie – the dog went 2-3 last week (40 percent) while I went 3-2 and Katie went 1-4 to put the Humans at 4-6 (40 percent) – Hartley is in do-or-die time if he wants to win the season series.

It’s rivalry week this week, which means heated games between hated rivals, close affairs that hopefully come down to the wire and awful, terrible, ugly trophies for the winners. Boots, Eggs, Bells, Platypi, Iron and Palmetto. This week has it all! So let’s get started.

As always, the point spreads are courtesy of 5Dimes

Arkansas vs. LSU (-24.5)

Brian: Yikes! LSU wins one game, and now they’re a 24.5 point favorite against Arkansas? This isn’t just a normal game, Vegas. This is the battle for the Boot! This is for all the glory of one of the SEC’s most historic forced rivalries. The winner of this game gets the Golden Boot, a 4-foot tall gold outline of Louisiana and Arkansas that weighs about 70 pounds from what I hear. It’s ugly, it’s hideous, and one day it will impale a player on the sidelines.
This year, it’ll be an LSU player. LSU probably will still be patting themselves on the back from the Texas A&M game and may come out slow, but Arkansas is pure garbage, so I’ll take LSU in this one.

Katie:  LSU. 24.5 points is a ton, but so what? It’s the end of the season, I’m going with LSU.

Hartley: 

Dog still for sale.

 

Alabama (-10.5) vs. Auburn

Brian: After LSU lost, I put my BCS title hopes on Oregon. Then they lost, and I threw my support to Baylor. Sorry, Bears. So now it’s Roll Tide Roll time! Reasons why everyone should love Alabama:

1. They play “Look Down” on third down stops.
2. A.J. McCarron chest tattoo?

That’s it, that’s the list. Still, maybe my cursed support will work. Roll Damn Tide
(I legitimately love the “Look Down” song, and it really is the only thing I like about Alabama)

Katie:  I will not get my hopes up. I will not get my hopes up.  I will not get my hopes up.  (Alabama)

Hartley:

War Dog Eagle!

 

Michigan vs. Ohio State (-14.5)

Brian: The Big Ten has a million stupid trophies for all of its so-called rivalries. The Land of Lincoln Trophy, Purdue Cannon (sadly not a real cannon), Old Brass Spittoon, Floyd of Rosedale, Heroes Trophy (boring), Heartland Trophy, Land Grant Trophy, Paul Bunyan Trophy, Little Brown Jug, Governor’s Victory Bell and Paul Bunyan’s Axe (legitimately cool) are some of the highly contested prizes in the conference, but oddly, the Big Ten’s biggest rivalry game doesn’t have a stupid little trophy. Sad face! Get your shit together, Ohio/Michigan marketers!
As for the game, Ohio State NEEDS a big win bad. The Buckeyes’ last hope is an Alabama upset and for Jameis Winston to go to prison and then MAYBE it goes to the BCS title game. But forget about that football crap, have you seen the Buckeye’s band?!? For the T-Rex alone, I’ll go with Ohio State

Katie:  SEC coach, Big 10 talent. It’s time for Ohio State to blow it. I’m going with Michigan.

Hartley:

Clemson vs. South Carolina (-5)

Brian: The Palmetto Bowl, sadly, does not have an actual trophy to hand out to the winner. May I suggest taking the sad Magnolia Bowl and plopping a tree on there? Ole Miss already broke the damn thing this year, so your work is halfway done, guys.
How great would it be to have Clemson begin and end the season by beating the preseason favorites to win the SEC East? That would be fantastic for the other Tigers, but I don’t see it happening. South Carolina needs to keep playing strong and hope to back in to the SEC title game.

Katie:  Guys, I’m going with Clemson with this one. They’ve already pulled a Clemson, so I see no reason why they’d lose this one.

Hartley:

Georgia (-3.5) vs. Georgia Tech

Brian: Some people (below) might feel sorry for Georgia and its fan base with the way this season has gone for them. Those people are nicer than I am. Hey, Georgia fans, screw you! You deserve to lose your starting quarterback! For four years you bitched and moaned when he threw an incomplete pass or an interception and never gave him proper credit when he actually won. Now that he’s done and will never wear red and black again, you act like you lost your best friend and son. Nope, doesn’t work that way. (Note, I did not say Aaron Murray deserves it because he is a respectable player. But the fan base deserves this season and this insult to injury.)
Now that my tangent is over, I expect Georgia Tech to see what the football gods have given them with these Georgia injuries and take advantage of it. This is your chance, Paul Johnson! Jackets beat the spread.

Katie:  I really hate what’s happened to UGA this year. Yeah, their fans can be bandwagony and annoying, and their coach is a crier, but losing Aaron Murray just doesn’t seem fair. If this were September, UGA would beat GA Tech by 50. Unfortunately for UGA, it isn’t, and they’re probably going to lose to an OK GA Tech team.

Hartley:

Texas A&M vs. Missouri (-4.5)

Brian: What the hell, Texas A&M? What the hell was that? No, I’m not talking about Johnny Manziel’s performance on Saturday against LSU, I’m talking about your grumpy fans and jazz-handsy cheer boys. This is the SEC. Tell your fans that if they don’t like something when visiting another school, punch an opposing fan and throw pee balloons in their face. Don’t passive aggressively complain to your Aggie brethren in a voice you know if just loud enough to be heard by opposing fans around you. You know who you are, guys in section 221, row 23, seats ~12-15.
Again, sorry for the tangent. Missouri needs to beat A&M to get into the SEC title game, while Manziel will phone it win with his Heisman chances taken away.

Katie:  I still cannot and will not get on the Mizzou train. Sure, TAMU has weird fans and even weirder dances (seriously, guys? Jazz hands and Pirouettes??). But Johnny Football needs to redeem himself in time for the draft, and Sumlin needs a big win to get the USC job. So I’m going to go with TAMU here to prematurely end Mizzou’s title hopes (which would end anyway when they play Bama in 2 weeks).

Hartley:

ULM vs. ULL (-14.5)

Brian: If LSU/Arkansas is the battle for the Boot, UL Monroe vs. UL Lafayette is the battle for the Converse (Marketing genius at work here). After dropping its first two games of the season, UL Lafayette is riding an 8-game win streak while the University of Louisiana Monroe has lost two straight. I say UL Lafayette covers against the University of Louisiana Monroe but it still won’t be enough to get them out of their third straight New Orleans Bowl.

Katie:  The only time I will every cheer for Lafayette is if they play Bama. They are not playing Bama.  Therefore, I’m going with ULM.

Hartley:

Brian       LSU      Bama      Ohio St      S. Carolina      Ga. Tech      Missouri          ULM
Katie       LSU      Bama      Michigan   Clemson          Ga. Tech      Texas A&M    ULL
Hartley  Ark.      Auburn  Ohio St      S. Carolina     Ga. Tech      Missouri           ULL

Hartley vs. The Humans: Week 13

With three weeks remaining in the college football season, Hartley vs. the Humans will all come down to big games and tight point spreads.

With my recent resurgence, the Humans have won two straight weeks and now have a 1-point lead over Hartley. I would “Bet the Farm” that he stages a comeback, though, so this is a big week for everyone involved.

As always, the point spreads – and this week the over/under line – is courtesy of 5Dimes.

 

LSU (-4.5) vs. Texas A&M

Brian: As an LSU fan, this game scares the crap out of me. Will the defense, which got shredded in the second half against a good but not very explosive Alabama offense, stop Johnny Manziel? Probably not, but I’m going with blind fan optimism here and picking LSU. **Gulp**

Katie: I’ll admit that I’m pleasantly surprised that the Vegas people have LSU as the favorite in this game. I wasn’t expecting that, and it makes me dread Saturday’s cold, rainy game just a little bit less. I’m just going to hope the defense from the UF game and the offense from the UGA game come to play for LSU. I’m going with LSU to beat the spread out of blind, idiot loyalty. Also, Johnny Manziel makes me throat punchy, and I really, really want to see him lose and lose badly.

Hartley:

For sale: One back-stabbing dog!

 

LSU vs. Texas A&M Over/Under: 71 points

Brian: As I said before, I’m concerned about LSU’s suspect defense. A&M, as everyone knows, doesn’t have a good defense, so a 38-35 game is extremely likely. The only thing that could stop it is the weather, which is supposed to dump a good bit of rain on Baton Rouge come game time. Still, it rained for the LSU/Auburn game, and that game had 56 points. I’m taking the over and making this my “Bet the Farm” pick of the week.

Katie: Neither defense is good this year, with both teams only keeping the opponent under 10 once this season. I’m saying over all the way.

Hartley:

 

Missouri (-2.5) vs. Ole Miss

Brian: Ole Miss has been a pesky team this year. The Rebels have upset wins over Texas and recently against LSU, so this team knows how to beat the giants. But it’s simple for Missouri: Win and it’s in Atlanta for the SEC Championship. The Tigers need to win one of their final two games to take the SEC East, but with Missouri’s final game against Texas A&M, I think it needs to beat Ole Miss to guarantee its spot in Atlanta. I’m taking Missouri, but I’m worried about this pick.

Katie: I’m picking Ole Miss! Miracles really do happen! The introduction of Johnny Football to the SEC West came with the extra baggage of Missouri to the SEC East. I’m ready for these pretenders to go away and let the real SEC win.

Hartley:

Baylor (-9.5) vs. Oklahoma State

Brian: This game is most likely the last obstacle Baylor faces for an undefeated season. After Oklahoma State, the Bears play a bad TCU team and a down Texas team, so all it needs is a win against the No. 10 team in the nation to stay perfect and possibly play for a national championship. It’ll be an offensive explosion (even with Baylor’s injured offense) and I think in the end Baylor will leave Stillwater with a perfect record and having covered the spread.

Katie: Baylor scores a lot. I’m going with them.

Hartley:

(This looks like Hartley picked Baylor, but that’s not the case. He actually grabbed the Oklahoma State treat before I could take the picture. He then went to the Baylor photo and grabbed that treat. Notice how there is no treat on Oklahoma State and a treat on Baylor. That’s conclusive video evidence. The call on the field stands.)

 

Vanderbilt vs. Tennessee (-2.5)

Brian: Vanderbilt is bowl eligible and is riding a two-game winning streak heading into Neyland Stadium. Tennessee has gotten blown out in three straight games, albeit those games were against Alabama, Missouri and Auburn. The Vols can become bowl eligible with a win over the Dores and a win next week against Kentucky (likely to happen). But I can’t even name Tennessee’s starting quarterback because it changes every week, so I’m taking Vanderbilt to upset Tennessee.

Katie: I think these teams are pretty equal, and apparently so does Vegas. It makes me chuckle knowing that Vandy already is bowl eligible and Tennessee isn’t.  I’m going with Tennessee for this game.  They need the win more to have a chance at being bowl eligible and to prevent their coach from being fired. Also, the Vanderbilt football team has had a lot of outside distractions this week. 

Hartley:

 

And to recap:

Brian         LSU          Over          Missouri          Baylor          Vandy
Katie          LSU          Over          Ole Miss           Baylor          Tennessee
Hartley    A&M        Over          Ole Miss           Okla. St.       Vandy