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Hartley vs. The Humans: Week 6


No, I’m not going to write a witty intro about the government shutdown because everyone is tired of hearing about politicians who won’t do their job. I will say, though, that if the federal government would just put its money into betting with the dog, America would have enough cash to pay off the federal deficit and buy healthcare for the world. Just something to consider, D.C.

Now, on to this week’s picks, where there aren’t as many intriguing games as last week, but enough to get you excited. As always, the spread is courtesy of 5Dimes.


LSU (-9.5) at Miss St


Brian: The weather is going to be really nasty on Saturday night in Mississippi as the first real tropical storm of the season makes its way to land. The rain will make it difficult to throw the ball — giving an edge maybe to Mississippi State — but it also rained during the LSU/Auburn game, and the LSU offense was fine. I’ll pick LSU to cover.

Katie: I’m picking LSU.  I think I’ve already made that clear.  Moving on…


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Ohio St (-7) at Northwestern


Brian: I applied to Northwestern twice for college, once as an undergraduate and once for graduate school. I was rejected both times; well, I was put on the waiting list for undergraduate, which I turned down, so maybe that’s a push. Either way, Northwestern doesn’t want me, but I have a battered wife syndrome with the Wildcats; I keep going back and pulling for them. I’ll pull for them this time, too, and say Pat Fitzgerald and Northwestern beat the spread.

Katie: I think a ranked Northwestern team is to the B1G what a ranked Ole Miss team is to the SEC.  It’s adorable to see their fans get all excited and start allowing themselves to believe that this might actually be their year, but eventually those dreams of greatness are crushed when the teams play with the Big Boys.  Ohio State is one of the Big Boys.  Like Ole Miss did last week, I expect Northwestern to come back down to reality after getting crushed on Saturday by Ohio State.


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Oregon (-38.5) at Colorado


Brian: Last week I thought there was no way Oklahoma State wouldn’t cover the spread against West Virginia, and I was dead wrong. This week, I say there’s no way Oregon doesn’t cover the spread — even if that means the Ducks need a 39-point win — and it’s my “Bet the Farm” pick of the week. Sorry, Kristen and any Duck fans reading this.


Katie: Oregon is good. I know nothing about Colorado, but historically they’re not good.  That being said, 38.5 points is a big spread.  Once Oregon gets a healthy lead, they’ll probably pull an LSU v Kent State move and put in the second (or third) string.  So I’m picking Colorado to lose badly but still beat the spread.


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Ole Miss (-3) at Auburn


Brian: Ole Miss has yet to score a touchdown in the state of Alabama this year after the Rebels fell 26-0 last week against Alabama. Ole Miss won’t be shut out again this week, and I think Hugh Freeze will get his team to forget about last week and defeat Auburn at Jordan Hare.

Katie: Ole Miss got its heart (and probably other body parts) broken in last week’s loss to Alabama.  I’m expecting them to play poorly and Auburn to be motivated to play well at home.  I’m going with Auburn to beat a sad Ole Miss team.  At least their fans will have the “Book of Manning” to remind them of when they were semi-relevant.


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Georgia (-10.5) at Tennessee


Brian: Speaking of trying to forget about last week… I’m expecting a big downer from Georgia after winning the national title, er, a game against LSU last week as the Bulldogs go to Neyland. Still, Tennessee is garbage and the Vols will get crushed by at least three touchdowns.

Katie: This one is giving me trouble.  On one hand, Tennessee couldn’t even beat South Alabama last week by 10 points.  On the other, I expect the LSU effect will be in full force on Saturday and will cause Georgia to be a little banged up and a lot uninspired by this unimpressive Tennessee team.  I’m going to pick UT to lose but beat the spread.


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And to recap…

Brian           LSU            Northwestern    Oregon             Ole Miss        Georgia
Katie           LSU            Ohio State            Colorado        Auburn          Tennessee
Hartley      LSU            Ohio State            Oregon            Ole Miss         Tennessee

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Hartley vs. the Humans: Week 5 Results

It was a sad weekend for everyone in the Briantology household. Not only did everyone finish below .500 with their picks (including one idiot who didn’t get any picks correct), the one game we were invested in turned pan out like we hoped.

I’m still licking my wounds from Saturday, so I apologize if this post is not up to its usual stuff.


LSU vs. Georgia (-3)


All three of us picked LSU to cover the spread, and it looked promising for 58 minutes, but LSU’s defense couldn’t stop the Bulldogs on their final drive and Georgia won by 3. It’s a push, and no harm for anyone.


Ole Miss vs. Alabama (-14.5)


Yikes. I really thought Ole Miss had a chance to keep this game at least somewhat competitive. I was wrong, and Katie and Hartley were right.

We didn’t watch a second of this game, but I understand it was close (9-0) at halftime, and then Bama poured it on in the second half to win 26-0 and cover.


Wisconsin vs. Ohio State (-7)


Another push, thanks to a late Wisconsin score. I only saw the final three minutes of this game, so again, I can’t really comment on this game, but a push hurts no one.


Oklahoma State (-18) vs. West Virginia


Talk about an epic failure. West Virginia not only beat the spread, the Mountaineers won outright over the ranked Oklahoma State.

All three of us took the Cowboys, and we knew we were in trouble in the first quarter and would definitely lose this pick by halftime. Sadly, this was also my “Bet the Farm” pick of the week, and this now puts me at 2-2 on betting the farm this year.


Florida (-12) vs. Kentucky


Why I took Kentucky, I have no idea, but Florida, even without its starting quarterback Jeff Driskell, won 24-7 and covered. I lost this pick, but Katie and Hartley won.


Like I said, one idiot didn’t win a game, and that idiot was me. 0-3-2 for the week is just laughably bad. Katie went 2-1-2 and Harley went 1-2-2. Taking out the pushed, Hartley’s winning percentage is 33% (1-2) while the Humans’ is also 33% (2-4) thanks to me 0-fer. Like two of the games this week, it’s a push, and Hartley and the Humans are still tied 2 ½ to 2 ½.

Week 6 isn’t as tantalizing as last week, but hopefully I can recover and get at least one win.

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Hartley vs. The Humans: Week 4

The best athletes play through pain and illness to lead their team to victory. This week will be a test for Hartley to see if he has what it takes to be the best as the dog has been fighting an infection all week that put him on antibiotics. And a brief stint in a cone of shame.


There are some really, REALLY bad games this week, which made finding five interesting games to pick the spread a difficult task. I could have picked the Miami/Savannah State game with its 60-point spread, but no one cares about Miami/Savannah State.

Fortunately, there’s just enough of what should be decent games to pick this week. Thanks to back-to-back week wins, the Humans have stolen the lead from Hartley 2-1. He desperately needs a win this win, so let’s hope for his sake that the antibiotics haven’t clouded his judgment too much.

As always, the spread is determined by 5Dimes.


Auburn vs. LSU (-17.5)


Brian: Last week I said I wasn’t going to pick against LSU so long as Zach Heismanberger keeps playing like a Hesiman candidate. LSU didn’t cover last week, but that was in fault to Mettenberger, who threw for 264 yards and three touchdowns in a 32-point win. It’ll be raining all day Saturday and during the game, which will make it tough for Mettenberger to keep those gaudy going, but I think with LSU’s running back and the return of the Tigers’ No. 1 running back and MVP assaulter Jeremy Hill, LSU will cover.

Katie: LSU, again, because I’m loyal.  I will never not pick LSU.  This pick was made even though I can still smell the stench of LSU’s 12-10 win at Auburn last year, an AU team that ended 3-9 and got the National Championship-winning coach fired.


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Watch yourself, dog. We control your meds right now.


Michigan State vs. Notre Dame (-6.5)


Brian: Notre Dame is not good this year. But Michigan State hasn’t played anyone worth a damn this year, so they too might be not be good. With that being said, I’m picking the Spartans in this one on the basis that my elementary school mascot was also a Spartan. Don’t argue with my logic here.

Katie: Notre Dame, because MSU can only win big games in basketball, and ND is still a big game for them.


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Even the dog doesn’t believe in Notre Dame.

Arizona State vs. Stanford (-7.5)


Brian: Arizona State got lucky, REALLY lucky last week with the ref snafu at the end of the game to beat Wisconsin. The Sun Devils have talent, that’s for sure, but Stanford is one of the best teams in the PAC-12 for a reason, and the Cardinal will show that on Saturday. Expect a big Stanford win.

Katie: Stanford, because ASU is going to be emotionally drained after that crazypants win vs Wisconsin last week.  Surely, the officiating crew from last week won’t be there to throw the game in ASU’s favor again.


Photo Sep 19, 9 50 31 PMIt’s a Stanford sweep!


Tennessee vs. Florida (-17)


Brian: Tennessee has been bad for a while now, but this year’s Vol team might be the worst I’ve seen. After taking a 7-0 lead last week against Oregon, Tennessee was outscored 59-0 in two and a half quarters. Florida isn’t great this year, but it’s a lot better than Tennessee. Florida covers and this is my “Bet the Farm” pick of the week.


Katie: UF, because somewhere Derek Dooley and Phil Fulmer are laughing about how terrible UT is this year.


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Hartley has now picked Tennessee in every game this year. He might have a crush on Smokey.


Tulane vs. Syracuse (-14.5)


Brian: All I know about Tulane is that Joe Montana’s kid plays quarterback and the Green Wave have a 2-1 record this year. Good for them! Unlike the person to whom I’m related by marriage, I like to see Louisiana teams do well, and Tulane is no exception. I’m picking the Green Wave to beat the spread.

Katie: Syracuse, because I know absolutely nothing about either team, but I never, ever, ever cheer for Tulane.  Ever.

After making my picks, I noticed I picked only favorites.  However, I usually pick against ND, so this is like picking a Katie underdog.


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This pick was received with a big “Nooooooo” from Katie.


So to recap:

Brian          LSU            Michigan State     Stanford     Florida             Tulane

Katie          LSU            Notre Dame           Stanford     Florida             Syracuse

Hartley     Auburn     Michigan State     Stanford      Tennessee     Tulane

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Hartley vs. the Humans: Week 3 Results


My sincere apologies for not getting this blog post up earlier in the week. I know all of you were on the edge of your seats to find out if it was Hartley or the Humans who took home the Week 3 title.


Humans win! Eat it, dog! For the second straight week, the humans (narrowly) defeated Hartley. With the win, Katie and I have two weekly titles under our collective belts while Hartley has one. Still, there’s a lot of football to be played, and the fact that our wins are coming by only one game has Katie and I worried for the Humans’ future.

But first, a recap of the Week 3 games.


Kent State vs LSU (-37.5)


Hartley was the sole picker to guess this spread correctly. The dog picked Kent State to cover the spread, which the Golden Flashes were able to do, only losing by 32 points in a 45-13 LSU victory.

The Tigers could have covered the spread and given the Humans the win, but LSU kneeled with two minutes to go and the ball inside the red zone. The wonder of will they/won’t they cover at least kept the game interesting for those unfortunate saps who stayed for the whole game (and there were only two – Katie and I).


Alabama (-7.5) vs. Texas A&M


Katie and Hartley both picked Alabama to win by 8 or more points, and for most of the second half, they were smiling and counting their winnings. But then this guy named Johnny Manziel decided to stop sucking and start throwing touchdowns. Once everything was finished, Alabama won, but only by seven points, meaning I, the lone picker to take A&M to beat the spread, guessed right.

Neither I nor Katie expected the final score to be more than 90 combined points (Hartley could not be reached for comment). Is A&M’s offense that good? Is Bama’s defense that bad? Time will tell.


Ole Miss (-2.5) vs Texas


This was my “Bet the farm” pick of the week, and I am happy to report that I am 2-for-2 when betting the farm this year. If you don’t listen to me with my other picks – and really, you shouldn’t – you should at least listen to me with the Farm picks. I know what I’m talking about here.

Texas actually led at halftime, which made me somewhat nervous, but Ole Miss did what I predicted they would do – run the ball a lot! The Rebels ran for 272 yards against an embarrassingly bad Texas defense.

Hartley also took the Rebels, while Katie, trusting too much in Mack Brown, fell victim to the Longhorns.


Tennessee vs. Oregon (-28)


Oregon is really, really good. But Tennessee is also really, really bad. The Vols actually took an early lead with a first quarter touchdown to shock the nation. Unfortunately for the Vols, they couldn’t keep that success going on either side of the ball as Tennessee fell 59-14, a 45 point loss!!!!! And Oregon didn’t even score in the fourth quarter!!!!

I knew Oregon would win and cover easily. Katie knew Oregon would win and cover easily. Hartley, however, is too big a fan of Smokey and he lost. Not as bad as Tennessee lost, though.


Ohio State (-15.5) vs. Cal


Ohio State starting quarterback Braxton Miller didn’t even play in the game. When I heard that I thought I had this pick in the bag. Whoops.

The Buckeyes didn’t need their QB in a 52-34 rout of Cal, an 18-point win and enough to cover the spread. This was the only game I picked wrong on the day. Hartley followed my Cal pick and suffered the loss as well, while Katie went Scarlett and Gray because of her love for Urban Meyer.


On the week, I led the charge with a 4-1 record – by far my best week this year. Katie went 3-2 on the week to put the Humans at 7-3 for Week 3, or 70 percent. Hartley suffered his first losing week this year with a 2-3 record (40 percent). Still, for the year, Hartley is 9-6, which means he’s still making money despite him being a DOG!

Week 4 is coming and we’ll have those picks up soon. For now, let the Humans bask in their successful beating of the dog.

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Hartley vs. The Humans: Week 3


It’s Friday, which means you gambling addicts have 24 hours to call your bookie and place your bets for this weekend’s college football games.

Before you go making dumb, uneducated picks, be sure to check out this week’s Hartley vs. the Humans college football spread selections. The dog may be dumb and uneducated, but for two straight weeks he has gone over .500 betting against the spread.

So check out Hartley’s picks (and mine and Katie’s as well) and then call your bookie. You’re not working today anyway.

As always, these betting lines are courtesy of 5Dimes.


Kent State vs. LSU (-37)

Brian: I said last week that with Zach Heismanberger at quarterback, I would never pick against LSU covering the spread this year. So while 37 points is A LOT of points, I’m going to have to go with LSU again. Mettenberger can’t do it by himself, and he’ll need a Odell Beckham Jr. type performance from another LSU player to cover 37 points, but I’ll stick with LSU.

Katie: LSU because I’m loyal.


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Hartley going against the household with this pick.

AlabamaAMAlabama (-7.5) vs Texas A&M

Brian: In the second most important game with national championship implications this week (behind LSU/Kent State), I have no idea what’s going to happen here. If Alabama wins, the Crimson Tide will easily cover 7.5 points. But Saban and the Crimson Tide now have DJ Flukergate to distract them from an already tough task of stopping Johnny Manziel. So I think A&M actually has a decent chance to win this game. My hatred of Alabama is well known and my disgust with Manziel has become apparent, so I don’t care which team wins, but I think A&M covers. Appreciate your interest in the post.

Katie: Alabama because the ‘Bama players will be too scared to piss Nick Saban off this week.


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Roll Damn Dog


Ole Miss (-2.5) vs Texas

Brian: Texas gave up a million yards in a loss to BYU last week, an upset that rattled my Yahoo! Pick’Em league. Then the Longhorns fired their defensive coordinator and replaced him with an even worse defensive coordinator in Greg Robinson . Ole Miss will run, and run, and run, and the SEC will stop the embarrassment of losing to lower conferences. Ole Miss covers, and I make this my “Bet The Farm” pick of the week.


Katie: Texas, because it’s at home, and Mack Brown really, really needs a win.


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Hotty Toddy, Dog Almighty.


Tennessee vs Oregon (-28)

Brian: The Vols covered last week against Western Kentucky thanks to five Hilltopper turnovers in their first six offensive plays. The SEC will take down the Big 12 this week, but it won’t defeat the Pac-12, at least not in this matchup. The Ducks win, and they win BIG! Yes, 28 points is a lot, but there’s no way the Vols can hang, and I don’t see the Ducks laying off the gas even with a late, big lead.

Katie: Oregon, because even if UT wins or beats the spread, their professional player outed by Yahoo! Sports will have this game thrown out anyway. (Brian: I don’t think that’s how betting against the spread works, but I won’t argue with her reasoning.)


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Hartley won big with the Vols last week and he sticks with them this week.

Ohio State (-15.5) vs. Cal

Brian: Buckeye quarterback Braxton Miller left last week’s game with a knee injury, but he is expected to return this week as Ohio State travels to face Cal. I had doubts with Ohio State even before Miller’s bum knee, but with it and on the road, this game will be close, and I won’t be surprised if the Golden Bears pull off the upset. Cal covers.

Katie: Ohio State, because they’re really good, even with a quarterback with a bum knee. (Brian: Katie and I have apparently watched different Buckeye teams this year.)


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Bears. Dogs. Makes sense.

So to recap:

Brian          LSU                 A&M                Ole Miss           Oregon               Cal
Katie           LSU                 Alabama        Texas                Oregon               Ohio St.
Hartley      Kent St.          Alabama        Ole Miss            Tennessee        Cal

That’s a good mix. Let’s see who’s right. (Hint: It’ll probably be the dog.)

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