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Hartley vs. The Humans: Week 4

The best athletes play through pain and illness to lead their team to victory. This week will be a test for Hartley to see if he has what it takes to be the best as the dog has been fighting an infection all week that put him on antibiotics. And a brief stint in a cone of shame.


There are some really, REALLY bad games this week, which made finding five interesting games to pick the spread a difficult task. I could have picked the Miami/Savannah State game with its 60-point spread, but no one cares about Miami/Savannah State.

Fortunately, there’s just enough of what should be decent games to pick this week. Thanks to back-to-back week wins, the Humans have stolen the lead from Hartley 2-1. He desperately needs a win this win, so let’s hope for his sake that the antibiotics haven’t clouded his judgment too much.

As always, the spread is determined by 5Dimes.


Auburn vs. LSU (-17.5)


Brian: Last week I said I wasn’t going to pick against LSU so long as Zach Heismanberger keeps playing like a Hesiman candidate. LSU didn’t cover last week, but that was in fault to Mettenberger, who threw for 264 yards and three touchdowns in a 32-point win. It’ll be raining all day Saturday and during the game, which will make it tough for Mettenberger to keep those gaudy going, but I think with LSU’s running back and the return of the Tigers’ No. 1 running back and MVP assaulter Jeremy Hill, LSU will cover.

Katie: LSU, again, because I’m loyal.  I will never not pick LSU.  This pick was made even though I can still smell the stench of LSU’s 12-10 win at Auburn last year, an AU team that ended 3-9 and got the National Championship-winning coach fired.


Photo Sep 19, 9 47 34 PM

Watch yourself, dog. We control your meds right now.


Michigan State vs. Notre Dame (-6.5)


Brian: Notre Dame is not good this year. But Michigan State hasn’t played anyone worth a damn this year, so they too might be not be good. With that being said, I’m picking the Spartans in this one on the basis that my elementary school mascot was also a Spartan. Don’t argue with my logic here.

Katie: Notre Dame, because MSU can only win big games in basketball, and ND is still a big game for them.


Photo Sep 19, 9 49 41 PM

Even the dog doesn’t believe in Notre Dame.

Arizona State vs. Stanford (-7.5)


Brian: Arizona State got lucky, REALLY lucky last week with the ref snafu at the end of the game to beat Wisconsin. The Sun Devils have talent, that’s for sure, but Stanford is one of the best teams in the PAC-12 for a reason, and the Cardinal will show that on Saturday. Expect a big Stanford win.

Katie: Stanford, because ASU is going to be emotionally drained after that crazypants win vs Wisconsin last week.  Surely, the officiating crew from last week won’t be there to throw the game in ASU’s favor again.


Photo Sep 19, 9 50 31 PMIt’s a Stanford sweep!


Tennessee vs. Florida (-17)


Brian: Tennessee has been bad for a while now, but this year’s Vol team might be the worst I’ve seen. After taking a 7-0 lead last week against Oregon, Tennessee was outscored 59-0 in two and a half quarters. Florida isn’t great this year, but it’s a lot better than Tennessee. Florida covers and this is my “Bet the Farm” pick of the week.


Katie: UF, because somewhere Derek Dooley and Phil Fulmer are laughing about how terrible UT is this year.


Photo Sep 19, 9 48 43 PM

Hartley has now picked Tennessee in every game this year. He might have a crush on Smokey.


Tulane vs. Syracuse (-14.5)


Brian: All I know about Tulane is that Joe Montana’s kid plays quarterback and the Green Wave have a 2-1 record this year. Good for them! Unlike the person to whom I’m related by marriage, I like to see Louisiana teams do well, and Tulane is no exception. I’m picking the Green Wave to beat the spread.

Katie: Syracuse, because I know absolutely nothing about either team, but I never, ever, ever cheer for Tulane.  Ever.

After making my picks, I noticed I picked only favorites.  However, I usually pick against ND, so this is like picking a Katie underdog.


Photo Sep 19, 9 51 15 PM

This pick was received with a big “Nooooooo” from Katie.


So to recap:

Brian          LSU            Michigan State     Stanford     Florida             Tulane

Katie          LSU            Notre Dame           Stanford     Florida             Syracuse

Hartley     Auburn     Michigan State     Stanford      Tennessee     Tulane

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Hartley vs. the Humans: Week 3 Results


My sincere apologies for not getting this blog post up earlier in the week. I know all of you were on the edge of your seats to find out if it was Hartley or the Humans who took home the Week 3 title.


Humans win! Eat it, dog! For the second straight week, the humans (narrowly) defeated Hartley. With the win, Katie and I have two weekly titles under our collective belts while Hartley has one. Still, there’s a lot of football to be played, and the fact that our wins are coming by only one game has Katie and I worried for the Humans’ future.

But first, a recap of the Week 3 games.


Kent State vs LSU (-37.5)


Hartley was the sole picker to guess this spread correctly. The dog picked Kent State to cover the spread, which the Golden Flashes were able to do, only losing by 32 points in a 45-13 LSU victory.

The Tigers could have covered the spread and given the Humans the win, but LSU kneeled with two minutes to go and the ball inside the red zone. The wonder of will they/won’t they cover at least kept the game interesting for those unfortunate saps who stayed for the whole game (and there were only two – Katie and I).


Alabama (-7.5) vs. Texas A&M


Katie and Hartley both picked Alabama to win by 8 or more points, and for most of the second half, they were smiling and counting their winnings. But then this guy named Johnny Manziel decided to stop sucking and start throwing touchdowns. Once everything was finished, Alabama won, but only by seven points, meaning I, the lone picker to take A&M to beat the spread, guessed right.

Neither I nor Katie expected the final score to be more than 90 combined points (Hartley could not be reached for comment). Is A&M’s offense that good? Is Bama’s defense that bad? Time will tell.


Ole Miss (-2.5) vs Texas


This was my “Bet the farm” pick of the week, and I am happy to report that I am 2-for-2 when betting the farm this year. If you don’t listen to me with my other picks – and really, you shouldn’t – you should at least listen to me with the Farm picks. I know what I’m talking about here.

Texas actually led at halftime, which made me somewhat nervous, but Ole Miss did what I predicted they would do – run the ball a lot! The Rebels ran for 272 yards against an embarrassingly bad Texas defense.

Hartley also took the Rebels, while Katie, trusting too much in Mack Brown, fell victim to the Longhorns.


Tennessee vs. Oregon (-28)


Oregon is really, really good. But Tennessee is also really, really bad. The Vols actually took an early lead with a first quarter touchdown to shock the nation. Unfortunately for the Vols, they couldn’t keep that success going on either side of the ball as Tennessee fell 59-14, a 45 point loss!!!!! And Oregon didn’t even score in the fourth quarter!!!!

I knew Oregon would win and cover easily. Katie knew Oregon would win and cover easily. Hartley, however, is too big a fan of Smokey and he lost. Not as bad as Tennessee lost, though.


Ohio State (-15.5) vs. Cal


Ohio State starting quarterback Braxton Miller didn’t even play in the game. When I heard that I thought I had this pick in the bag. Whoops.

The Buckeyes didn’t need their QB in a 52-34 rout of Cal, an 18-point win and enough to cover the spread. This was the only game I picked wrong on the day. Hartley followed my Cal pick and suffered the loss as well, while Katie went Scarlett and Gray because of her love for Urban Meyer.


On the week, I led the charge with a 4-1 record – by far my best week this year. Katie went 3-2 on the week to put the Humans at 7-3 for Week 3, or 70 percent. Hartley suffered his first losing week this year with a 2-3 record (40 percent). Still, for the year, Hartley is 9-6, which means he’s still making money despite him being a DOG!

Week 4 is coming and we’ll have those picks up soon. For now, let the Humans bask in their successful beating of the dog.

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Hartley vs. The Humans: Week 1 Results


This is why you should trust my dog over me when it comes to picking college football games.

While I finished second in straight-up picks in our Yahoo! college football pick’em league this week, picking against the spread killed me. To recap:



LSU won by 10 points, covering the spread and starting the season on the right foot. The game was close for most of it, with LSU up by 6 and 3 at times in the fourth quarter. A 3 point win would have put LSU  under the spread, but thanks to LSU’s offense and capable quarterback (not a typo), the Tigers pulled it out in Dallas against what many people say could be one of the top teams in the Big 12 this year.


Alabama vs. Virginia Tech


This was my “Bet the farm” pick, so I am thrilled that I didn’t lose this one. With the exception of the first 5 minutes, I didn’t watch this game, but I heard Bama’s offensive line was disastrous and could be a weakness this year. (Fingers crossed.) Thanks to two special teams touchdowns and a pick-six, the Tide took control of the game en route to a 25-point win.

Sadly for Hartley, this was the only pick he missed this week.


Georgia vs. Clemson


By the way, nice new logo, Georgia. It’s not good, but it’s a hell of a lot better than the old dog.

Both the humans got this pick wrong as Katie and I went SEC over ACC (though she claims she picked Clemson, but whatever). When Hartley made his selection, he first went to the Georgia paper, looked at it, walked OVER the bulldog head and went Clemson. He knows what he’s doing.

Mad props to Briantology fan Kristen for her pick in the Yahoo! league. The UGA hater was the only one in the league to pick Clemson. Tip of the hat to you.


Texas A&M vs. Rice


This was not a good pick for me. I thought Johnny Manziel would come out guns blazing and throw for 5 TDs against Rice. While he did score three touchdowns, he also got himself kicked out of the game by his coach in the fourth quarter. Maybe if he wasn’t a jackass and played the whole game he would have gotten his fourth TD and A&M would have covered, but that didn’t happen.

Katie and Hartley both picked correctly, though, and went with Rice.

Boise State vs. Washington


In the game that no one knew anything about, I went with Boise, while Katie and Hartley went with the Huskies. Huskies won, by a lot. No need to harp on it; let’s move on.


Katie and Hartley tied this week with four correct picks each while I got embarrassed with just two correct picks. The humans’ score is an average of Katie and my picks, so Week 1 of Hartley vs. Humans goes Hartley 4, Humans 3, and Hartley is the winner.

In the battle of the pants, I am losing to my wife 4-2. Good thing there’s still three more months of college football to go!

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