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Douche of the Week: From Johnny Football to Un-grumpy Angela


Douche of the Week was a crowd favorite a few years back, and with the blog’s resurrection, I wanted to bring back this weekly column as well. In times like these, a weekly recap of the world’s worst people is something that brings people together.

Although it’s been a long time since I recognized the biggest douches in the news, but there couldn’t have been a better time to bring back the award than this week. We’ve had the Zimmerman verdict, the Rolling Stone cover, Johnny Manziel-gate, RGIII sexts and Texas capital tampon searches. All of these deserve to have some douche notoriety – and some were recognized – but these three are the biggest douches of the week.

Third Place: Johnny Manziel


I liked Johnny Manziel last year. I rooted for him to beat Alabama, laughed at the Scooby Doo costume, pulled for him to win the Heisman and chuckled at the douche bag pictures he posted on Instagram throughout the summer. I’m done with him now, though.

thirdManziel was kicked out of the Manning Passing Academy last weekend for missing a required meeting. Reasons for the absence have not been confirmed but they range from a cellphone dying in the middle of the night, general fatigue from a busy summer, shacking up with a Nicholls State girl the night before and, the likeliest reason, drinking so much that he had a crazy hangover the next day.

I don’t care why he missed it. He’s a DOW nominee because of this: On Wednesday at SEC Media Days, Thursday at SEC Media Days, Manziel took the “I’m 20 in college, I’m allowed to do this” stance. On Thursday, A.J. McCarron, Manziel’s roommate at the Manning Passing Academy, gave his 2 cents, and I agreed with everything he said:

Wait? I agree with and respect an Alabama player’s stance?!?! DAMN YOU, MANZIEL!!!!!!

Later Wednesday, Manziel, who blamed his missing the meeting on fatigue from a busy month, flew from Alabama to L.A. to go to the athlete suckoff known as the ESPYs. McCarron, meanwhile, scoreboards him with:

Point McCarron. That’s twice you put me on McCarron’s side, Johnny. Douche!

Second Place: ABC Executives


Elisabeth Hasselbeck was a controversial figure on The View for her politics, but at least her political opinions never caused crazy people to nearly kill others (Though official numbers are not in yet). Replacing her with Jenny McCarthy, though, is a disaster waiting to happen.

secondSure, McCarthy’s resume proves she’s a natural on reality TV. Who could forget her epic performances on MTV’s “Singled Out?” But giving her a national stage to spew her unreasoned, non-medically based opinions on whether children should be vaccinated will create more problems than good.

McCarthy has waged a long campaign against vaccination and in favor of the theory that vaccines can lead to autism in children. The theory has been widely discredited, and its critics say that it endangers children by leaving them vulnerable to disease.

So why is this bad? Can’t people voice their own opinions? Sure, but ABC execs also must be mindful that idiots watch their shows — and every other show on TV; it’s not limited to “The View’s” audience — and those idiots will follow McCarthy’s horrible advice and put their children in danger.

The LA Times sums it up best:

This is quackery begotten of fraudulence, exacerbated by mistrust of science and panic over a disorder that upends parents’ lives and their hopes for their children. Add celebrity to that already combustible mix, and you get a fiasco that has already opened the door to the resurgence of preventable childhood diseases such as measles and pertussis.

Is it too late to bring Elisabeth Hasselbeck back?

First Place: Angela Corey’s Smile


This was the most obvious winner for the Douche of the Week. If this was horse racing, she’d be Secretariat. If this was golf, she’d be Tiger Woods in the 2000 U.S. Open. If this was the BCS championship, she’d be Alabama. ***Tear***

firstAngela Corey is not the DOW because she lost the case against George Zimmerman. I won’t voice my opinion because I won’t litter the Internet with more uneducated thoughts on the case. It’s not even Corey who is being recognized here, it’s that bullshit smile.

When the verdict was announced Saturday, Katie and I were watching the latest Dexter episode, so by the time it was over, the press conferences had started. As the seemingly happy lady prattled on, I asked Katie if she was the one who started the trial with the “Knock, Knock” joke.

Her response: Uh, that’s not the defense. That’s the prosecution.

WHAT!?!?! You mean that woman who’s grinning ear to ear is the one who LOST?

I don’t like it when players on LSU don’t look sad enough after losing a game. Or when they go up and shake the other team’s hand. Her job, though, isn’t as trivial as sports. Her job actually makes a difference to the world, and when she fails at her job, the last thing she should be doing is smiling. At least show some fake sadness, or get him to fill in…


But don’t smile like that after a big loss, please.

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