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Hartley vs. The Humans: Week 15 — For All The Marbles


I’ve been pretty crappy about posting the recaps during the week, and for that I apologize. Hartley won last week with an impressive 4-3 record. The Humans, thanks again to another sub-par effort by Katie, finished 4-10, evening up the overall standings as we head to the final regular season week of college football.

So this is it. It’s Championship weekend, where conference winners, BCS title contenders and Hartley vs. the Humans victors will be decided. This is for bragging rights, folks.

As always, the spreads are courtesy of 5Dimes.


Auburn (-2) vs. Missouri


Brian: Surely Auburn can’t lose to Missouri, right? The Tigers had a miracle answered in two consecutive games with the Hail Mary catch against Georgia (Prayer in Jordan Hare) and the 109-yard field goal miss for touchdown against Alabama (War Damn Miracle). As a fan of rhymes, I like the Prayer in Jordan Hare better myself. Surely a team this blessed can’t fall on its face and lose to Missouri when a shot at a national title is at stake, right?!? Wrong. Missouri – yes, Missouri – the come-from-nowhere team in the SEC East (even though it’s the most western school in the SEC) takes the conference crown and gets a chance to play for the national title if…

Katie: After the last few weeks of truly dismal picking, I’m a little afraid of how bad these picks are going to be this week. So on that note, I’m going with Auburn to beat the spread here. Hopefully by a lot.


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Ohio State (-5.5) vs. Michigan State


Brian: The Buckeyes need to win just one more game and chances are they play for the national title. That one game, though, is against a strong Sparty team at Michigan State. While Ohio State has a 24-game winning streak, it still has yet to beat a top-10 ranked team in that stretch. Michigan State in ranked No. 10. That streak continues. Sparty wins and BCS chaos ensues.

Katie: I’m going to go with Michigan State to beat the spread but Ohio State to win because I really, really want total BCS chaos in the last year before the mini-playoffs start. It’ll be funny if tOSU is held out of the BCS by a one loss SEC team (Auburn), assuming AU wins by a lot.


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Duke vs. Florida State (-29)


Brian: Seminoles, rejoice! Jameis Winston didn’t commit rape!!!! Or, well, he didn’t get charged with rape by a comedic state attorney at the press conference, so who knows what he did or didn’t do. But whatever happened, he’ll play on Saturday for a chance to get him and the Noles in the BCS title game. Florida State has been crushing opponents by 30 points after the first quarter. Surely Duke won’t do anything, right? RIGHT!?!!
I’m taking Duke. I don’t know if the Blue Devils will win (probably not), but they’ll beat the spread, and I’m opening the door for a historic upset.

Katie: That is an embarrassingly huge spread for a conference championship game. Granted, Jameis Winston might need a big win to make Heisman voters forget what he may or may not have done last year. And Duke typically is truly terrible in football. Still, I’m going to go with Duke to beat the spread.


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Oklahoma vs. Oklahoma State (-9.5)


Brian: Oklahoma State has a very, VERY long shot at getting into the BCS title game. The Cowboys needs Florida State, Ohio State and Auburn to lose, and then hope a win against Oklahoma will vault them past Alabama and the other new one-loss teams. Sorry, Gundy, you lost to West Virginia. You don’t get any confidence from me. Oklahoma beats the spread.

Katie: I keep forgetting the Big 12 is still a thing. I’m going with Oklahoma here for nostalgia’s sake. Anybody remember when this game would have been important? Teams would have to be deemed ineligible for a Big 12 team (OSU or Baylor) to make it to the BCS championship.


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Stanford vs. Arizona State (-3)


Brian: Oregon didn’t want the Rose Bowl, and so they’re out. Now it’s up to the Cardinal and the Sun Devils to see who will play in the Granddaddy of Them All. Since neither team has any shot at the Crystal Football, I don’t care about this game that much, so Stanford. Why not?

Katie: Stanford usually is better than ASU, so I’m going with the Cardinal here.


Photo Dec 05, 10 02 09 PMBrian: Props to the Pac-12 for the best looking conference championship logo. SEC takes runner-up. In DFL is the ACC. What the hell is that crap?


That’s right. In case Hartley and the Humans tie again this week, we created a tiebreaker to figure out the season winner. It’s simple: Which two teams do you think will play for the BCS title? The Humans get one point per correct team and Hartley gets two per correct pick.

Brian: With Ohio State, Auburn and Oklahoma State – and maybe Florida State (?) – losing, my BCS title game prediction is … Alabama vs. Florida State. Because there’s no justice in the world, Alabama will stay ahead of Missouri and there’s no way the college football gods keep Alabama out of the title game. Sigh…

Katie: Florida State vs. THE Ohio State University

Hartley: With Hartley picking Florida State to cover, he guarantees the Seminoles are in. But which is the other team? Ohio State? Auburn? Missouri? With his picks, all could still be in the running…

Photo Dec 05, 10 05 13 PM

But it’s FSU/Ohio State for the BCS game.

To recap everything:

Brian:         Missouri        Michigan St.       Duke              Oklahoma       Stanford
Katie:          Auburn          Michigan St.        Duke              Oklahoma       Stanford
Hartley:    Missouri        Ohio State            Florida St.   Oklahoma       Arizona St.


Brian: Florida State vs. Alabama
Florida State vs. Ohio State
Hartley: Florida State vs. Ohio State

Savor the final week of college football, everybody!

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Hartley vs. The Humans: Week 12 — LSU-less Edition


No LSU this weekend means I can relax on Saturday and enjoy college football and it sadly dwindles away. Before you know it, it’ll be February and all football will be gone, leaving us with months of crappy basketball and even crappier Major League Baseball.

But for now, Hartley and the Humans are tied up with each winning five weeks and tying once. These last four weeks will decide the winner, so let’s get to it.

As always, the lines are courtesy of 5Dimes.

Georgia at Auburn (-4)


Brian: This one is tough. Georgia is beat up and can barely field a full offense, but it’s possible Auburn will be looking ahead to its next game, a Nov. 30 tussle with Alabama. With the game at Jordan-Hare, I believe the Tigers will win and cover. Also, how the hell did Georgia make it to the top 25?

Katie: “Bodygetta Bodygetta Bodygetta Bah Rah Rah Rah Sis Boom Bah Weagle Weagle War Damn Eagle Kick em in the butt, Big Blue Hey!”  Yep, that’s a real cheer, folks.  And that’s who I’m going with this week. (Auburn)


Photo Nov 14, 9 32 54 PMSuper Blurry!

Florida at South Carolina (-13.5)


betfarmBrian: Florida coach Will Muschamp got the dreaded “Vote of Approval” from Florida athletic director Jeremy Foley and school president Bernie Machen, so the Gators should be motivated to come out tough against South Carolina. But with the Gamecocks still hanging on to a shot at winning the SEC East, I don’t see Steve Spurrier losing his final conference game of the season to this sorry Florida team. Gamecocks cover, and this is my “Bet the Farm” pick.

Katie: I realize that USC is ranked 11, and that’s good, but they just don’t feel like a great team to me.  I think they’ll probably win, but not by 14, so I’m going with UF here.


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Oklahoma State (-3) at Texas


Brian: Texas has been on a roll recently, but aside from Oklahoma, which we all saw isn’t THAT good of a team last week in its beatdown to Baylor, the Longhorns haven’t played any good team. I put a lot of confidence in Oklahoma State when they got upset by West Virginia, but I’ll give them a second chance and take Okie State and the points.

Katie: I’m going with the team that’s coached by the man, (Brian: This makes me so happy) not the old guy.  Also, wishful thinking makes me want UT to fire Mack Brown this year to get Saban out of the SEC (even if Saban at Texas could be very, very scary).  OK State wins by more than 3.


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Stanford (-3.5) at USC


Brian: Now that Lane Kiffin has been fired and still waiting for a ride back to campus, Southern California is back to its winning ways. Ed Orgeron has the Trojan nation rejoicing once more, and the school announced this week that the LA Colliseum is sold out for the first time this season. Can USC keep winning and upset Stanford? In a word, No. Cardinal win by a touchdown.

Katie: I’m going with Stanford.  I still don’t like USC, and their coach is a buffoon.


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Miami (-3.5) at Duke


Brian: Duke is enjoying another bowl-eligible season, but this matchup in the past has been all Miami. In fact, the Canes have never lost to the Blue Devils, until this week. David Cutcliffe leads his Dookies to a program-changing upset on Saturday.

Katie: The start of basketball season signals the end of football season at Duke.  Miami beats Duke and covers the spread.


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And to recap:

Brian         Auburn         S. Carolina      Oklahoma St.         Stanford          Duke
Katie         Auburn         Florida              Oklahoma St.         Stanford          Miami
Hartley     Auburn         Florida              Texas                        Stanford          Miami

SIDENOTE: Originally, I gave Katie the Clemson/Georgia Tech game, not knowing that it was a Thursday night game. She picked “Clemson has already lost its important game, so I see no reason why they won’t win this one.  Clemson beats the spread. (Which was 10.5)” Clemson won 55-31. While it won’t count in the Hartley vs. The Humans standings, I wanted to give Katie her much deserved accolades.

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Hartley vs. the Humans: Week 8 Results (I Suck at This)


Another week of picks, another disaster for me. Notice a trend, anyone?

I hope you all enjoy my writing more than my picks, because no one is liking my picks, no even me.


LSU lost on a last-second field goal, but after the Tigers fell behind 10-0 early, it was never in doubt that Ole Miss would beat the spread. The dog, again, was the only one to pick against LSU, and he takes an early lead.


Wanna know how bad everyone was this week? All three of us picked Clemson to cover, but that, again, was never in doubt as the Seminoles crushed Clemson 51-14. No points for anyone on this game.


Finally, a game we all got right. Nobody trusted Johnny Manziel last week, and after the Heisman winner left temporary with a shoulder injury, this line, again, was never in doubt. Auburn was able to get a late stop and take the win, and the Tigers covered easily. By the way, Auburn is the only Tiger team to cover or beat the spread this week.


This was my “Bet the Farm” pick of the week, and I’m happy to say that I got this right after last week’s “Bet the Farm” on Oklahoma over Texas pick. The game was 3-0 at halftime, but Stanford jumped out in the third quarter and held on to cover the spread. Katie and I were right, but Hartley’s trust in the Bruins cost him.


Looking bad, I should have never bet against the awesome blue bull logo of Buffalo. I went with UMass and got crushed 32-3. Hartley also went UMass and lost while Katie correctly picked Buffalo.

For the week, I failed to break .500 again (sigh) and went 2-3 while Katie’s 3-2 record propelled the Humans to 5-5 (50%). Hartley went 2-3 for the week (40%) and his two week winning streak came to an end. He does, however, hold the overall lead 4.5-3.5.

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Hartley vs. the Humans: Week 5 Results

It was a sad weekend for everyone in the Briantology household. Not only did everyone finish below .500 with their picks (including one idiot who didn’t get any picks correct), the one game we were invested in turned pan out like we hoped.

I’m still licking my wounds from Saturday, so I apologize if this post is not up to its usual stuff.


LSU vs. Georgia (-3)


All three of us picked LSU to cover the spread, and it looked promising for 58 minutes, but LSU’s defense couldn’t stop the Bulldogs on their final drive and Georgia won by 3. It’s a push, and no harm for anyone.


Ole Miss vs. Alabama (-14.5)


Yikes. I really thought Ole Miss had a chance to keep this game at least somewhat competitive. I was wrong, and Katie and Hartley were right.

We didn’t watch a second of this game, but I understand it was close (9-0) at halftime, and then Bama poured it on in the second half to win 26-0 and cover.


Wisconsin vs. Ohio State (-7)


Another push, thanks to a late Wisconsin score. I only saw the final three minutes of this game, so again, I can’t really comment on this game, but a push hurts no one.


Oklahoma State (-18) vs. West Virginia


Talk about an epic failure. West Virginia not only beat the spread, the Mountaineers won outright over the ranked Oklahoma State.

All three of us took the Cowboys, and we knew we were in trouble in the first quarter and would definitely lose this pick by halftime. Sadly, this was also my “Bet the Farm” pick of the week, and this now puts me at 2-2 on betting the farm this year.


Florida (-12) vs. Kentucky


Why I took Kentucky, I have no idea, but Florida, even without its starting quarterback Jeff Driskell, won 24-7 and covered. I lost this pick, but Katie and Hartley won.


Like I said, one idiot didn’t win a game, and that idiot was me. 0-3-2 for the week is just laughably bad. Katie went 2-1-2 and Harley went 1-2-2. Taking out the pushed, Hartley’s winning percentage is 33% (1-2) while the Humans’ is also 33% (2-4) thanks to me 0-fer. Like two of the games this week, it’s a push, and Hartley and the Humans are still tied 2 ½ to 2 ½.

Week 6 isn’t as tantalizing as last week, but hopefully I can recover and get at least one win.

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Hartley vs. the Humans: Week 3 Results


My sincere apologies for not getting this blog post up earlier in the week. I know all of you were on the edge of your seats to find out if it was Hartley or the Humans who took home the Week 3 title.


Humans win! Eat it, dog! For the second straight week, the humans (narrowly) defeated Hartley. With the win, Katie and I have two weekly titles under our collective belts while Hartley has one. Still, there’s a lot of football to be played, and the fact that our wins are coming by only one game has Katie and I worried for the Humans’ future.

But first, a recap of the Week 3 games.


Kent State vs LSU (-37.5)


Hartley was the sole picker to guess this spread correctly. The dog picked Kent State to cover the spread, which the Golden Flashes were able to do, only losing by 32 points in a 45-13 LSU victory.

The Tigers could have covered the spread and given the Humans the win, but LSU kneeled with two minutes to go and the ball inside the red zone. The wonder of will they/won’t they cover at least kept the game interesting for those unfortunate saps who stayed for the whole game (and there were only two – Katie and I).


Alabama (-7.5) vs. Texas A&M


Katie and Hartley both picked Alabama to win by 8 or more points, and for most of the second half, they were smiling and counting their winnings. But then this guy named Johnny Manziel decided to stop sucking and start throwing touchdowns. Once everything was finished, Alabama won, but only by seven points, meaning I, the lone picker to take A&M to beat the spread, guessed right.

Neither I nor Katie expected the final score to be more than 90 combined points (Hartley could not be reached for comment). Is A&M’s offense that good? Is Bama’s defense that bad? Time will tell.


Ole Miss (-2.5) vs Texas


This was my “Bet the farm” pick of the week, and I am happy to report that I am 2-for-2 when betting the farm this year. If you don’t listen to me with my other picks – and really, you shouldn’t – you should at least listen to me with the Farm picks. I know what I’m talking about here.

Texas actually led at halftime, which made me somewhat nervous, but Ole Miss did what I predicted they would do – run the ball a lot! The Rebels ran for 272 yards against an embarrassingly bad Texas defense.

Hartley also took the Rebels, while Katie, trusting too much in Mack Brown, fell victim to the Longhorns.


Tennessee vs. Oregon (-28)


Oregon is really, really good. But Tennessee is also really, really bad. The Vols actually took an early lead with a first quarter touchdown to shock the nation. Unfortunately for the Vols, they couldn’t keep that success going on either side of the ball as Tennessee fell 59-14, a 45 point loss!!!!! And Oregon didn’t even score in the fourth quarter!!!!

I knew Oregon would win and cover easily. Katie knew Oregon would win and cover easily. Hartley, however, is too big a fan of Smokey and he lost. Not as bad as Tennessee lost, though.


Ohio State (-15.5) vs. Cal


Ohio State starting quarterback Braxton Miller didn’t even play in the game. When I heard that I thought I had this pick in the bag. Whoops.

The Buckeyes didn’t need their QB in a 52-34 rout of Cal, an 18-point win and enough to cover the spread. This was the only game I picked wrong on the day. Hartley followed my Cal pick and suffered the loss as well, while Katie went Scarlett and Gray because of her love for Urban Meyer.


On the week, I led the charge with a 4-1 record – by far my best week this year. Katie went 3-2 on the week to put the Humans at 7-3 for Week 3, or 70 percent. Hartley suffered his first losing week this year with a 2-3 record (40 percent). Still, for the year, Hartley is 9-6, which means he’s still making money despite him being a DOG!

Week 4 is coming and we’ll have those picks up soon. For now, let the Humans bask in their successful beating of the dog.

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