It’s finally football season!
That means for the next five months I am privileged to receive a lot of anger, a lot of tears, a lot of frustration and a tiny bit of celebration and happiness from the glorious sport. And I also get to bore my readers with my weekly spread picks for college football.
I did this way back in 2011 with
little no success. It got boring after a while to see me pick games wrong week in and week out, so this time I employed the help of my wife and my dog to see who in this family is the top picker in college football (Putting money on Hartley would be the safe bet here).
How can a dog make a football pick you ask? For Hartley’s picks, we print out the school logo, put a dog treat on each one, and whichever treat he selects, that’s his pick. It’s simple, and is usually more effective than the humans’ methods.
So with further ado, it’s Week 1 of Hartley vs. The Humans:
LSU (-4.5) vs. TCU
LSU’s game will be in the draw every week so obvious reasons. Also as a side note, these betting lines are from the website 5Dimes.
Brian: LSU is weird in these neutral site season openers. I can see this game being a 20-point LSU win (a la 2011 vs. Oregon) or a nail-biter with LSU winning by 4 after TCU’s game-winning touchdown pass falls incomplete with no time left (a la 2010 vs. UNC). Like UNC in 2010, TCU is missing half its team with injuries or players just leaving. But like with Jordan Jefferson in 2011, LSU should be without its best offensive player in Jeremy Hill after his offseason bar fight. For my sanity, I’m going with LSU to cover, but I’m not very confident of this.
Katie: LSU will cover because, duh, it’s LSU. I’m always going to pick LSU. (You’ve got to appreciate the honesty, at least.)
The entire house goes LSU. This is setting up for disaster.
Alabama (-20.5) vs. Virginia Tech
Brian: Bama. Last year in its season opener, the Crimson Tide destroyed a Michigan team that was a lot better than this year’s Frank Beamer team. This will be a shit show from the opening kickoff, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see Alabama win by 40. This is also my “Bet the farm” pick.
Katie: Alabama. They’re too damn good.
Whoa! He may be neutered but the dog shows he has balls picking football games.
Georgia (-2) at Clemson
Brian: The last time Georgia was in a big game season opener it embarrassed itself against Boise State. Clemson is a better team than Boise State, but it’s still Clemson. It’ll be close in the first half, but Clemson will Clemson and Georgia, which needs to do something big this year with all the offseason hype it’s received, will start the season with a big win.
Katie: Although Clemson has a winning streak against the SEC ::tear slowly rolls down her face:: Georgia has to win this game. And it’s only a two-point spread, so they have to cover.
Hartley clearly thinks the SEC is overrated this year.
Texas A&M (-27) vs. Rice
Brian: No one will watch the first half of this game. Everyone, including me, will tune in for the second half when Johnny Manziel’s 30 minute time out is lifted and he gets to play. Assuming the game is tied at half, can Manziel score four touchdowns in the second half so the Aggies cover the spread? My bet is yes. I think he’ll come out pissed and throw for 400 yards in a half, and it’ll be a beautiful thing to see, assuming you hate defense.
Katie: Who is Texas A&M’s second string quarterback? Yeah, that’s what I thought, no one knows. Manziel will be good in the second half, but it won’t be enough to cover.
Note: We had to switch to spaghetti halfway through Hartley’s picks because he got tired of dog treats.
Boise State at Washington (-3.5)
Brian: I know only two things about this game. This will be Washington’s first game at its upgraded stadium. Advantage: Washington. But the Huskies star tight end Austin Seferian-Jenkins is suspended for the game. Advantage: Boise St. I guess I’ll pick Boise State because a player is a bigger deal that a stadium. (Yes, this was my actual thought process in this pick.)
Katie: Seriously? You chose this game for the pick? What the hell is wrong with you? Um, Washington, I guess.
So in summary:
Brian LSU Alabama Georgia Texas A &M Boise State
Katie LSU Alabama Georgia Rice Washington
Hartley LSU Virginia Tech Clemson Rice Washington
I’ll return Monday to recap who won Week 1. Chances are it’ll be the dog. Until then, enjoy football!