Way down yonder on the Chattahoochee

This weekend I got to experience one of the most fun things I’ve ever done in my six years of Georgia as Katie and I went river tubing down the Chattahoochee River.

Now, I’ve heard of the Chattahoochee through two ways in my time in Georgia — as the cause of Sweetwater Beer to “Save the Hooch” and the terrible, annoying song they play at Atlanta Braves games.

SIDENOTE: Why the hell would Georgians like that song played at Braves games? That would be like LSU fans going nuts because “Cotton Eye Joe” comes on before kickoff. Dumb dumb dumb.

We had no idea what to expect. I mean, the name of the company we went to was called $10 River Tubing. With a name like that, you know you’re getting quality, right?

Well, more like bare bones river tubing, but that was perfect. And shockingly enough, it only cost $10 to do it (plus a couple of add-ons and fees, but A LOT cheaper than I would have thought it’d cost).

What the company lacks in amenities, though, its clientele make up in personality. I must have missed the requirement for back tattoos and nipple piercings in the fine print. It was like Jersey Shore had come to Gwinnett.

I tried to Guido myself up, and I guess that was enough as we made the cut to hop on the crappiest school bus I’ve been on since second grade.

After a short ride, we get to the river. THE 55-DEGREE RIVER!!!! Despite being hot as hell outside, the water remained a nippy temperature that was reminiscent of this year’s winter (if it even got that cold winter).

Katie and I — being the smart, non-nipped-pierced people that we are — opted for a closed bottom tube, so we were barely touching the water and we were good while others screamed when their butts were introduced to the cold river. Amazing what a college, high school, high school equilavant education can do for you.

For two hours we floated down river, dodging a couple of sticks and logs along the way and seeing some cool ducks. It was one of the most relaxing experiences we’ve had here.

The only problem came a few hours after the tubing was done. I apparently am not good as consistent coverage with sun screen.

Using the spray sun screen and with my right hand, I completely covered my left side and am doing fine there. My left hand, though, sucks at trying to do the most basic task of holding down a button and going up and down. The result: My chest looks like it believes in Harvey Dent.

Overall, I recommend tubing the Hooch. Get your piercings on, find the perfect tribal tattoo to decorate your shoulder blades and grab a tube.

Now I can drink a Sweetwater and know that while I may not have saved the Hooch, I at least had fun on it.

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