Some of these are a bit out-of-date. Sorry.
Douche of the Week Second Runner-Up … J. Cheney Mason
On July 5, America was surprised to hear the Casey Anthony not guilty verdict. Well, kinda guilty. Guilty of not telling the truth to the federal government but not guilty of killing her daughters. She’s a lying bitch but not a murder.
Anyway, right after the verdict, J. Cheney Mason, one of the — but not the MAIN — victorious lawyers for Anthony comes out and issues this statement to the media.
Well I hope this is a lesson for those of you who have indulged in media assassination for three years. Bias, prejudice, and incompetent talking heads saying what would be and how to be. I am disgusted by some of the lawyers that have done this. And I can tell you that my colleagues from coast to coast and border to border have condemned this whole process of lawyers getting on television and talking about cases that they don’t know a damn thing about and don’t have the experience to back up their words or the law to do it. Now you’ve learned a lesson.
Really, assbucket? You’re going to come out after you got the luckiest verdict since 1995 and puff out your chest like you’re the man?!? You threw up a Hail Mary and it worked. You shot a full-court buzzer beater and it went in. You got a hole-in-one after your ball hit three trees and a squirrel. You got LUCKY!
Lucky that the prosecuttion crapped the bed again. Lucky the body was so decomposed the police had no evidence. Lucky the real world doesn’t work like SVU or Bones where 3-D models of the killings can be made based off one hair folicule.
So don’t come out swinging your dick when A.) You weren’t the head lawyer, B.) Everyone agrees you got lucky, and C.) Your first name is a letter. That’s pretentious, and really douchy.
Douche of the Week Runner-Up … Park 12 Cobb Stadium Cinemas
I should have known that a small company-owned theater would be bad news. I should have known when I walked in and saw that the theater didn’t have stadium seating that there was going to be a problem. Hell, I should have known by its location in Cobb County this place was going to suck.
I was an idiot.
“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2.” Opening night. Only the biggest summer movie in years. Yet, in the middle of the movie, the theater got some unexpected special effects when the fire alarm started going off midway through the movie.
The best part? No one moved. Because it wasn’t the siren of the alarm, just the flashing strobe light. And it all happened during an action scene, so I, probably like most of the audience, thought it was part of the battle scene to have the strobe light going off. That would have been sweet.
But no, the movie stopped on a close-up of Daniel Radcliffe’s face. The lights came on, the employees ushered us out, and then back in. They told us the movie would start soon, then later said it wouldn’t. Then they handed out free passes to any movie at that theater … in COBB EFFING COUNTY!
And the reason for the alarm? Not a fire, but a busted AC unit. Screw you, Park 12 Cobb Stadium Cinemas. Next time a fire alarm goes off, I hope it’s because someone set fire to you.
Douche of the Week … Me
This is my first post in more than two weeks, a sin in the blogging community. I apologize to my six faithful readers who expect better of me. I let you down, and for that I ask of your forgiveness.
Please know that I will do my best to keep this site updated as often as possible. I will write on weekends, birthdays, Christmas,
my wedding night. Whatever it takes to win back the trust of my readership.
Briantology would not be here without the tens of site views I get a month. I accept the Douche of the Week award with my head held low and a tear in my eye.
Forgive me, readers, for I have been lazy.