Douche of the Week: July 4 Edition

In observance of America’s awesomeness and kick-assitude, this week’s Douche of the Week is by unanimous decision. Congratualtions, England, you are one giant douche.


Monday will mark 235 years of America deciding it had enough of your shit. You would think the country would have taken the hint that maybe it should better itself, but no. It just keeps annoying the piss out of the entire world.

There’s a reason why it’s been 75 years since a British man won Wimbledon. When your entire country’s hopes rest on Andy Murray beating Rafael Nadal in a Grand Slam, you’re a joke.

That’s why your Duke and Duchess of Doucherberry get booed at when they arrive in Canada. Seriously? Canada’s making fun of you? You need to stop being a country right now.

Your honeymoon is over and the world no longer cares about your royal weddings and traditions.

 


Speaking of which, the Newsweek cover with Princess Diana was dumb and tactless, but don’t get your panties in a wad over it. It’s Newsweek, not Time. It’s not even a real news magazine anyway. That’s like Snookie being mad because US Weekly called her ugly.

Congratulations, England. It’s been 235 glorious years of not having to put up with your bullshit anymore. Here’s hoping for another 235 years of peace.

In the meantime, enjoy your Douche of the Week medal with your tea.

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