Behold the beard

Beard it up! (AP Photo)

Beware, PGA golfers. Your Tiger-free world is about to come crashing to a halt.

Sure, Tiger Woods hasn’t won a tournament in two years, he’s only played nine terrible holes of golf since the Masters and Rory McIlroy has established himself as golf’s new white knight. But this week at the AT&T National, Tiger unveiled his secret weapon to regaining his crown.

The beard.

Behold the wonder and majesty of the facial fur. It may not connect, but it isn’t a Texas beard with wide open spaces. This, faithful readers will propel him to the top again.

But why would Tiger, who once said on Twitter when asked why he doesn’t grow a full beard said “I can barely grow a goatee,” rock the bank robber look? Simple … Rocky 4.

I must break you

If you haven’t seen the movie, then leave this blog, never look back and stop being my friend because you’re obviously an idiot. If you have, here’s a recap…

After Rocky’s friend Apollo Creed dies at the hands of roided-up Russian Ivan Drago, Rocky moves to the Soviet Union to conduct awesome training montages and regain his boxing strength that so many people thought he had once lost. More importantly, Rocky also grew out a beard for his training.

Sexy time!!

The Rocky training beard is something near and dear to my heart. During my training for the triathlon last fall, I myself grew out an awesome, sexy beard that propelled me to finish the race. The Rocky beard is scientifically proven.

But the Tiger, Rocky connection doesn’t end with facial hair. During the movie, Rocky is overcome emotionally with the loss of his dear friend, an event that many wondered whether Rocky could overcome to win again?

Sound familiar? Like a recent divorce of a famous golfer?

Or what about the talk that Rocky was too old for the younger, physically superior Drago? Does it sound like the talk that Tiger has a new, young challenger in McIlroy who will destroy the once dominating golfer and keep Woods from claiming the all-time Major title record?

Sure, all this is circumstantial. Rocky is a movie and Tiger is real life. But Tiger’s beard is blurring those lines, and in the movies, experience always wins out.

Here’s how the rest of the golf season will play out: Tiger, while continuing to grow his facial hair, will miss the British Open but will come to Atlanta full of bearded energy and take the PGA Championship. Then it’s on to Augusta, then San Fransisco for the US Open, then Royal Lytham for the British Open, then South Carolina for the 2012 PGA, then Nicklaus’ record, then the White House, yeaahhhhhhhh!!

For now, though, Tiger needs to rest the knee, heel the Achilles and get the beard going full strength. Tiger will heal. His knee will get better. And when it does, with the Rocky beard, he will overcome his adversaries and get back to major victories.

And that will be a beard getting it done.

1 Comment

Filed under Sports, Uncategorized

One response to “Behold the beard

  1. Katie

    I’m glad he’s finally embracing his inner Jafar.

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