We’re going to start a new feature here in the Church of Briantology. Let me present to you the three biggest douches to grace the nation this week. The three people or groups who need to shut up this week and please just go away.
Coming in third … Congressman Anthony Weiner
Oops
Hey, look, you took a picture of your junk and it somehow found its way on Twitter. Oops.
This is why Twitter is awesome. And terrible at the same time. There would be no way 10 years ago that anyone would have seen any politicians’ junk. (Not so much a bad thing, though.) You know if Twitter was around in the 90s, Bill Clinton would have been screwed big time. (PUN win!)
Hey politicians, protect your Twitter feed. Because even if hackers go on there and post pictures of weiners that aren’t your own (because we all believe that’s the right story), then it’s still your head (Pun win x2) that’s on the plate.
Second place douche … Terrelle Pryor
What the hell is a Jiffy Lube?
Oh Terrelle. Why do you think you need a new car every few months? Do you get bored with a car after it surpasses 4,000 miles, or do you figure it’s cheaper to get a new car than go to Jiffy Lube and buy an oil change.
Either way, you were responsible for bringing down Jim Tressel, THE Ohio State football program and I can only hope the AD and President E Gordon Gee. While Florida, LSU and the rest of the SEC have done their parts over the past 70 years to destroy the Buckeyes, you did it in just 3. Good job, kid. Here’s a car.
Biggest Douches of the Week … Lebron Haters
Boo Lebron boo. Rabble Rabble Rabble
Apparently the biggest trend to hit the nation this week is hating on Lebron James. While this movement was popular for the past year, it has really started to gather some steam in the past week with Miami reaching the NBA Finals. And it climaxed last night as the Heat blew a big lead and lost Game 2.
Hey, Lebron haters, shut up. Yeah, he left Cleveland, but who wouldn’t? It sucks. You know what Cleveland has that other cities don’t? Bugs. A crapload of them. And they’re everywhere. How that city can maintain a population of 1 is simply mind boggling.
But all my sports blogs want to rip the guy right now, so I guess I’ll have to deal with it for awhile. Hopefully this series will be over soon, and with it, these idiots will quiet down
Thanks for visiting my site. I'm a PR writer in Baton Rouge, La., and before that I was a newspaper veteran for papers in Georgia and Louisiana. I'm an avid runner, beer snob and New Orleans Saints and LSU diehard, so you will find a lot about both teams here.
Love the DOW awards. I expected the awards to be a little more creative though. I guess big penises would be too much/gross???
I would also like to nominate “the rock” for contention. The one that killed that lady. Sad it wasn’t on there. I would nominate some others, but I’ll hold my tongue.
I’ve always hated LeBron. Not for The Decision™ or abandoning Cleveland anything like that… just random, arbitrary hate. Kind of like I hate Michael Jordan (although that hate became less than arbitrary in ’97, and don’t even get me started about the finals in ’98…)
I support all forms of arbitrary hate. I just hate it when people bitch about athletes going to certain teams b/c they got paid a crapload of money but will never win a title there, then the same people bitch about Lebron going to Miami for less money b/c he wants to win a title there. And the Jordan vs Lebron debate marks me want to shoot people.
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